Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
