My entire life is one complicated drinking game
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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