somebody snuck up and got me drunk
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Someone signed my nipple.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
