The maid of honor just puked.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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