remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
even my farts smell like vagina
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
