you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
