Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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