Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
