You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
