OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
