I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
