You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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