cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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