Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Randomize
