I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
A bitchslap is in order.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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