I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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