i permit you to call me
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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