Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
My dick has a subreddit
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
