yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
