Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
