I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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