she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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