new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
