question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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