dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
