"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You ruined the universe
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
