its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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