seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
