Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
