I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
