dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
