The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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