I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
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There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
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I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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