Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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