Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
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