You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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