Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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