i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
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I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
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PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
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