I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
