How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
