happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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