He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
