i just sent this text using only my big toe
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
