puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
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I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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