she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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