Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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