Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
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He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
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Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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