Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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