Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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