My friends, they love my intelligence
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
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