you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
