I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
