I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
