Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.