uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Send help, water and tortillas.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.