Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.