just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
