I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize