I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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