I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
