so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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