and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
