I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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